For Immediate Release: Stanton COC Source Says Teachers Are Actually Rabbis

By |2019-07-15T08:40:07-06:00July 12th, 2019|Satire, Uncategorized|8 Comments

Stanton, Calif. - In a surprising move, an anonymous source in the Stanton Church of Christ said the Teachers and Main Teachers of Stanton affiliated congregations nationwide are planning to start referring to themselves as "Rabbis," the Pharisaic teachers in Jesus's day. The source says this change took decades to come about. "We started off referring to members who taught classes as 'teachers,' she said. "But we gradually elevated them from a position of honor to a position of authority. We then decided that every last decision in a member's life be made with the counsel of teachers. Underwear choices, vacation plans, whom you can marry, whether you can relocate your family...everything." She says because every congregation has a teacher, it also became necessary to distinguish [...]